1941: The US suffers a cowardly sneak attack. The response? We spend a little less than four years inventing a couple brand new areas of physics and engineering, and then use this newfound knowledge to bring a whole new meaning to the phrase "don't start no shit, won't be no shit." The result? Japan shapes right the fuck up, and spends the following decades being a nice, upstanding member of the world, and cranking out some pretty neat electronics.
2001: The US suffers a cowardly sneak attack. The response? First we ignore the country that provided the funding for the sneak attack (since they've got a lot of oil), then we send some guys to the country that sheltered the guys who planned the attack, and they fart around there for nearly two years, until we decide to start ignoring that country and start attacking a different country that didn't have anything to do with the sneak attack, and then we spend over six years farting around in both countries, kicking down doors and getting blown up by the occasional bomb (which sounds pedestrian, so we call them "IEDs" so it's all cool and acronymy) and we create a brand new government agency whose job is add another layer of bureaucracy between 22 other agencies and the President, and then we decide that one six-ounce container of shampoo can blow up an airplane but two three-ounce containers can't and also we start investigating warrantless wiretapping and torture and now eight years later we're still farting around in a couple of countries getting blown up the occasional acronym and generally not making a difference.
America, fuck yeah!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Stage directions for Fleetwood Mac
Excerpt from preshow band meeting:
"OK now during the bridge, Lindsay, why don't you come up to the front of the stage for the guitar solo. Christine, you'll stay over there on keyboards. Mick, just keep doing what you're doing on drums. And Stevie...uh, why don't you just twirl around the stage for a while and try not to run into anything. Here's a tambourine for you to smack around so you feel like you're actually contributing. Any questions?"
"OK now during the bridge, Lindsay, why don't you come up to the front of the stage for the guitar solo. Christine, you'll stay over there on keyboards. Mick, just keep doing what you're doing on drums. And Stevie...uh, why don't you just twirl around the stage for a while and try not to run into anything. Here's a tambourine for you to smack around so you feel like you're actually contributing. Any questions?"
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